Very Gerry

I hail from North Jersey, where as a mere cherub, I began entertaining at the age of 3. It all started with Three Stooges routines in our family living room. My dad tried sports with me, but come on - I knew it wasn’t my thing because I knew I was much too fabulous for them! So, what does any other normal boy do? Join a theatre class! At age 9, I was introduced to the Merry World of Musical Theatre and did it simultaneously with my schooling. Some of my favorite and challenging roles were Edna (Hairspray), Horton (Seussical), Lord Farquaad (Shrek) and Jeff (Title Of Show).

A couple of years after graduating high school, my GSA (Gay Straight Alliance) advisor asked me to come in and chat with his club members! I planned out a pop-up performance and Q&A session. It was one of the best moments, as the kids really enjoyed what I presented! During the Q&A, one of the students asked me the infamous question, “What would you say to someone who wants to be an actor one day?” I froze for a second but then answered, “If you can see yourself doing ANYTHING other than acting, do that. It’s not an easy thing to break into, but if you cannot see yourself doing anything else but being a performer, do that.”

The summer after high school ended, I began professionally working in New York and was seen on CBS and E! News for my work in the Off-Broadway show Totally Tubular Time Machine starring Debbie Gibson. Then, I went along and created my debut solo cabaret show, “Very Gerry,” that played famous cabaret clubs like Don’t Tell Mama, Metropolitan Room and Paul Colby’s The Bitter End. Since then, I have hosted, starred in, and created many cabaret performances all over the country. In 2017 I conceived and co-starred in “The Golden Gays TM LLC,” a hilarious camp tribute to TV’s The Golden Girls and it was seen by thousands of people from all over the world! I created the troupe in June 2017 and concluded my almost 7 year run as “The Rose”, on December 9th 2023. Even though I am not a part of my creation anymore, I do think that “The Golden Gays” hit at the right time in my life. I think it was because of so many pop culture elements coming into one! With the success of RuPaul’s Drag Race and the nostalgia of The Golden Girls, it was kismet. I wrote a letter to Betty White during quarantine and told her that the role that she originated and created, got me my first NYC apartment. The timing was right and we had a great run. I am very thankful!

“I am a self-proclaimed Character Actor. An actor who usually plays older than they really are; male or female-presenting characters.”

Since the start of 2024, I have been building my venue connections, currently booking/touring my solo “Drag Bingo” and Impersonation show, “Divas in my Mind”, that pay homage to the ladies of Old Hollywood. I am also cultivating my new project for streaming services called “The Very Gerry Variety Hour.” It’s a love letter to Vaudeville and The Carol Burnett Show. I can be seen performing throughout Florida with Drag Events Unlimited, led by the national entertainer Nicole Halliwell. The works include tours of “Hocus Pocus Live” and “Stay Golden A Golden Girls Tribute Show.” Over 15 consecutive SOLD OUT shows nationally, that perform in regional sized theaters!

“Did you know that I once reminded someone of Madeline Kahn? It’s true and that was one of the best things that ever happened to me in my career!”

I have been very fortunate that some of my original works and tributes have been seen on CNN, Reelz, OK!, ABC, The New York Times, Disney, Celebrity Cruises, CBS, E! News, National conventions, ABC 7 Eyewitness News, and the Associated Press. Being a professional performer and working in the Theatre can be a very strange yet rewarding life. What I mean by that is the fact that one day you can be on top of the world, working every day; then down in the dumps and being unemployed for months and months. Since I really began with the lashes and heels in 2012, I have learned that the first thing you need is your health. Mental and physical. The second thing you need is your support system, whether it be family or chosen family. One cannot succeed in show business without a solid form of acceptance and support!

“Performing is my oxygen. I need to make people feel something!”

I never knew it would take zillions of gigs, 12 jobs, and $500 headshots every 5 years but I cannot see myself fighting for anything else. Every single day you have to play 10 different parts in the small business that is YOUR ACTING CAREER. Not all of us are as lucky as Beyonce! Bette Davis said, “Just do it. There’s never a shortcut in anybody’s business. It takes a lot of years to say “You’ve made it”. It takes 15-20 years

That’s why it’s so important to me to work with kind people and find other members of my tribe. I am forever blessed for the true people who’ve joined me on this ride. Special shout out and thank you to my crazy big beautiful Italian family and true friends for their constant acceptance and support!!! You have my heart.

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Contact Info:

● Website: https://www.gerrymastrolia.com/

● Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/verygerrynyc/

● Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/verygerry94

● Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/user/MrGerryMastrolia

Art is Freedom: And That's An Awful Lot of Responsibility

We all know the quote ad nauseam. With great power comes great responsibility. And before Cliff Robertson portrayed Uncle Ben in Sam Raimi’s 2002 Spider-Man, a variation was uttered as the closing narration in Amazing Fantasy #15 in 1962. Of course, the idea extends throughout the centuries. The French have a phrase for it: la noblesse oblige, which emphasizes the idea that nobility extends beyond entitlement, demanding people who hold high status carry out their social responsibilities.

And indeed, artists are free to say what they like. Nowadays we might face social firing squads but to me this pales in comparison to the literal firing squads artists once faced in the not so distant past. Not that violence can’t bubble up when one speaks their truth; i.e. Salman Rushdie. How far we are willing to go for our art and our truth is a different conversation altogether but for the most part, we live in a time and place where a significant degree of tolerance is habitual. Ideally this convention continues to hold strong.

And because of this linguistic and creative freedom, artists hold much sway in the idea landscape of our shared reality. We influence society. We influence trends, values, and ways of life. We influence the way in which individuals see the world and perhaps even navigate through it. Artists are akin to subjective journalists, correspondents who go into the conflict zones of culture and report back through art.

While history books tell you what happened, we tell you how it felt. That is our function, to look at the world from a different perspective in an attempt to understand one another in a new way.

We can say whatever we want however we want. And that, my friends, is an awful lot of responsibility that we should not take lightly.

I remember seeing an Off-Off Broadway showcase a few years back. I believe it was 2018. One of the pieces was about a brother and sister arguing over the brother’s new girlfriend – who happened to be a Trump supporter. It was an intriguing play but I recall a pit in my stomach forming as I realized the girlfriend was never going to make an entrance. Her voice, and by extension, all such voices, were silenced. This struck me as the cardinal sin of theatre despite my personal disdain for both the man and his behaviors. It was a blasphemous artistic decision. While I happened to be politically aligned with the siblings in the play, I realized we had gotten to the point where we were writing out characters we didn’t agree with or couldn’t comprehend. The latter is probably the most striking validity. And this example is, of course, a microcosm of our current scene at large.

I started to wonder if we were insulating ourselves. Had we created our own bubble to the point where we dared not go outside it? What might it mean if we did start to understand such characters and therefore such people…?

I go to plays all the time. I also go to poetry readings. Art, to me, is one of the most important facets of my life. It is, after all, along with science, a needed bastion for any pursuit of truth and compassion. Yet over and over I kept feeling that we were preaching to the choir – preaching to ourselves.

Thespians were preaching to theatergoers. And poets were preaching to poets. And the non-artists in the crowd already agreed with us. For the most part.

We reveled in our like-mindedness. We felt protected, secured, and comfortable in our shared opinions and safe spaces.

It felt as if we were in a metaphoric bubble, both encapsulated and blinded. Ignorance became trapped in virtue. We were blissfully stuck in the conformity of our ways.

They say great art does not answer questions – it provokes them. I had suddenly realized I had not seen new pieces of great art, by this mantra, in quite some time.

My acting training has undoubtedly influenced the way I interact with the world. I tend to view situations through the lens of objective and obstacle (thanks a lot Stanislavsky 🙄). When I engage in a polemical conversation or create a piece of art, I ask myself: what am I trying to do? And more importantly, what is the best way for me to reach my objective? What strategies should I impose and implement in order for me to put my objective in the strongest position possible? And the thing about objectives is that the best ones aren’t actually about you. It’s about what you want or need from the other person.

As long as I am also open and listening truthfully, I have often found this to be a good starting point and I wonder what would change if this became a bit more of the norm.

Even while writing this I fear readers might misconstrue what I’m trying to say. One should always express their most passionate and contentious truths, feelings, experiences, and opinions. But as the old adage goes, it’s not what you say but how you say it.

Otherwise, what you are saying becomes self-serving and subsequently self-defeating; you will reach and affect fewer people as a result. And what good does that do?

I suppose it seems only reasonable that I should brainstorm some sort of solution if I am brash enough to point out our plausible flaws. I think the contemporary creative who wishes to bring awareness to issues that warrant attention needs to engage a bit more in the formation of a plan of action (myself included). We need to get better at the skillful use of a stratagem. How can we reach those who we feel truly need to hear what we have to say? How do we do that without sermonizing, without being ostentatious, pedagogic, pedantic, or as didactic as this very sentence? And after we figure that out, what is the best way to communicate to them? What cultural language do they speak? What values do they hold? What tends to move them? Adjust accordingly. And think about the best form and format this food for thought will be served on that would allow them to best digest it. I realize this sounds somewhat manipulative. But I think it’s actually quite the opposite. It’s showcasing a degree of consideration while putting to use your most persuasive appeals in good faith.

When I think of a narrative “political filmmaker” who is also considered an activist, the first name that pops into my mind is Oliver Stone. And I think of this quote of his:

“You cannot approach history unless you have empathy for the person

you may hate. We can’t judge people as only ‘bad’ or ‘good’. [Adolf

Hitler] is an easy scapegoat throughout history and it’s been used

cheaply. He’s the product of a series of actions. It’s cause and effect.”

It’s a harsh reality. But there is much truth here. And this seems to be a very difficult aim to achieve when “blocking” people digitally and then by extension in every other way, takes nothing more than the click of a button. And while I don’t necessarily consider myself a transcendentalist, I, for one, do not wish to live in a world where half of the population cannot understand the other half. I hold out hope that Jean-Jacques Rousseau was right and goodness is an inherent quality of human beings. Then again, these days, I simply hold out hope that we can agree on what goodness actually is and what it looks like.

A colleague and I were recently discussing whether or not every creative endeavor could thoroughly be viewed through a political lens and indeed it feels as if anything can be made to be extremely political in our day and age. But the most effective political pieces of art are not ubiquitously political. They’re personal. The political is the residual of real lives. That is where the power to truly create empathy, understanding, and change stems from. And that might just be the best way to maximize advocacy in the arts.

But then again – what do I know!? I say this in the least sarcastic manner. I am but one voice in an ongoing conversation as no piece of writing exists in a vacuum. I ask myself how this very article contributes something new and honestly perhaps it is best viewed as a gentle but poignant reminder.

Art is a conversation. Not an exhortation.

Onwards and Upwards, Always,

G

Scare Yourself! What Horror Movies Tell Us About Our Own Fears

As Halloween night descends upon us, we may ask ourselves what is the thing that truly makes the season so spooky?

For some it’s haunted houses and jump scares, for others it’s gruesome makeup and costumes. But for most of us, a big part of Halloween revolves around our love for horror films.

Whether these films are slashers, ghost stories, tales of mass murderers or demons from beyond, there is always the implication that behind all the screaming, guts and mind fucks, there is a much deeper level of violence and fear that is innately known to us as human beings.

So what is it inside that draws us into that seemingly endless web of darkness that comprises the human imagination and undoubtedly beyond that, the unconscious?

As children, it can be assumed that we learn to scare ourselves; it’s a part of the developmental learning process. It’s exciting, it stimulates our nervous system and in some ways it gives us hope that beyond the mundane existence of reality, there is a world, even if it is terrifying, that exists beyond our own. Because even if that world is terrifying, it mirrors our own intense feelings towards death and the comfort some of us feel in that darkness due to our own traumatic lives. And what’s better than being able to experience these mind-altering worlds from the safety of our couch?

I’ve always found it interesting that some of my friends claim to watch horror movies to unwind and to ‘chill out’ before sleep. One person even mentioned, “The gorier the film, the more I relax.” How? What is it about watching a character get gutted that is relaxing?

For some, it seems to be a cathartic experience, one that allows the viewer to not only suspend their disbelief, but to somehow use the experience of “death” to find peace. It’s not so surprising when we look at it through this lens. What is more peaceful than eternal rest without any of the responsibilities of life?

For others, being scared is just exciting; it jolts you with electric energy and does the opposite of “killing you.” This sort of adrenaline rush is actually in the service of life! It reminds you, you can feel and experience all those intense feelings without the danger of actual obliteration.

And if I dare to dig deeper into this mass grave that makes up the collective psyche of a species which seemingly thrives on chaos and power, we can say that our love of horror is just a sublimation for our darkest and deepest desires to not only destroy everything around us, but also to guarantee our own destruction in the process.

Those who commit murders must know that eventually they will be caught and punished, even if these thoughts are cast from the conscious mind. We know that what most people do to others has a lot to do with their feelings about themselves.

When I ask people what their favorite genre of horror is, I always find it a telling clue to their most inner wishes and fears, for you cannot have a wish without that wish also being shrouded in fear; they are as inseparable as the will to live and the will to die.

So tonight, when you sit down to watch your favorite scary movie, take a peek at your reflection in that dark screen and maybe consider what that film is telling you about the darkness and evil that sits waiting, ever watching, from the deepest parts of your unknown mind.

Yours Truly, (in this life and the next….)

*evil laughter*

E

Remembering The Time I Opened For Norm Macdonald

As a stand-up comedian for over 25 years, I have been very fortunate to be an opening act for many A-list comedians: Louie Anderson, Rob Schneider, Caroline Rhea, Dennis Miller, Kevin Pollack and some great musical acts such as Dion and Micky Dolenz.

But nothing prepared me for getting a call from The Paramount in Huntington, a magnificent venue for music and comedy. They asked if I was available, on very short notice, to open for Norm Macdonald.

As a fan of comedians, Norm was in my top 5 of all-time. That list includes such giants such as George Carlin, Richard Pryor, Joan Rivers and Don Rickles. Norm had me from the first time I saw him on a show called A&E’s Evening at the Improv sometime in the early 80s. I had seen all of his movies (good and bad), watched his failed sitcoms, and, of course, followed his stand-up career.

I was beyond excited to meet and have the distinct pleasure to share the stage with one of my comedy heroes.

I arrived early in hopes to hang out with Norm in the green room. My plan did not disappoint. I got there and asked the gang of kids that worked there, “Where’s NORM?” They knew me since I had been fortunate to perform as an opener at The Paramount many times.

One of them said, “He’s in the green room. You can go in.”

I did.

Norm was relaxed on a couch and a nice-looking lady was there who introduced herself as his manager. I introduced myself as his opening act Stevie GB.

“Stevie GB? What kind of name is that?”

I immediately realized Norm is Norm off-stage and on-stage. Same cadence in his voice.

He asked, “Where you from? Around here?”

I said, “I live in Holbrook, it’s about a half hour east.”

“Oh, so you are from New York City?”

“No, that’s the other way”.

“I know, I’m just screwing with you.”

Although it was simply small talk, I felt I was in the presence of a true comedy icon. I always feel strange being around stars. It’s hard for me to realize they are just regular people. I don’t want to appear starstruck and go through the whole I’m a huge fan nonsense. I just hung by the door awkwardly. The woman was friendly and asked me the usual “how long have you been doing comedy” questions.

Suddenly, Norm looked at me and asked, “Do you have a toothpick?”

Of course I didn’t. Who carries toothpicks?

I ran out to the other room and shouted to one of the kids, “Norm needs a toothpick!”

One of them handed me a full box of toothpicks.

I ran back to the room and handed them to Norm. He opened the box and a bunch fell on the floor. I immediately went into my Rain Man impression, a bit I had done on stage for years but stopped doing because it felt a little old.

“52…yeah definitely 52 toothpicks.”

Norm laughed.

“I get it. Rain Man. That’s’ funny. Let’s see how close you were.” He actually counted the toothpicks.

“37. You were way off.”

Out of nowhere, Bill O’Reilly from FOX walked in the door. I try not to be political on stage and I am not a huge fan of the guy but it was still interesting to see him just show up. I shook his hand and told him I was Norm’s opener. He didn’t seem impressed. Norm and Bill seemed to know each other quite well. I didn’t want to feel any more awkward so I started to leave.

Norm said, “HEY, have a great set.”

I asked, “How do you want me to introduce you?”

He answered, “I think they know me. My name is on the ticket so say whatever you want.”

My opening 15 minutes went well. I felt comfortable and enjoyed the audience response.

It was time to introduce Norm. I just said, “You know him, you love him; here is Norm Macdonald!”

I looked over to the side of the stage to see Norm crouched down tying his shoes.

I ran over and said, “Norm, I just introduced you.”

“I know. I gotta tie my shoes.”

Finally, Norm hit the stage for an hour of rip-roaring comedy. He was brilliant, dark, and most of all

NORM.

His set ended and he saw me in the wings. Normally, the show ends and I walk back to the green room and get ready to go.

Norm said to me, “Go out and take a bow.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. I’ll go out with you.”

He did.

We walked out together and he went to the mic and said, “Let’s hear it one more time for Stevie GB. He lives New York City I think. I don’t know.”

In all my opportunities opening for big name performers, not once did any of them acknowledge me at the end of the show. I was merely the opening act that most people in the audience probably forgot about by the end of the show.

What Norm did meant a lot to me and still does to this day.

When I heard that he passed away less than a year later, it was a very upsetting day. I still miss him.

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Stevie GB

is an award-winning comedian, actor, and playwright. Known as the world’s funniest accountant, Stevie has performed at Westbury Music Fair opening for Dion, and at the Paramount in Huntington opening for comedy giants like Dennis Miller, Louie Anderson, Rob Schneider, Norm Macdonald and many more. He has written and performed three one-man shows, 12 One-Act plays and a full length musical that appeared Off-Broadway. He has also performed as Groucho Marx to critical acclaim in Newsday. Featured on Amazon Prime and on News 12.

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G&E In Motion does not necessarily agree with the opinions of our guest bloggers. That would be boring and counterproductive. We have simply found the author’s thoughts to be interesting, intelligent, unique, insightful, and/or important. We may not agree on the words but we surely agree on their right to express them and proudly present this platform as a means to do so.

WHEELER AND WOOLSEY: A Sandwich and a Cigar

I first read about them in Maltin’s Movie Comedy Teams. They had a sort of forced Marx Brothers vibe from the photographs in the book and that didn’t sit right with me. I had no idea who they were, what their voices sounded like, or if I would even deign to make time for them. After all, if I hadn’t heard of them then they must not have been very good.

Cut to 15 years later when I was planning the first newsletter for my new organization, THE DIPLOMANIACS: The Wheeler and Woolsey Appreciation Society. I even got in touch with the great Ed Watz, the man who knows all things Wheeler and Woolsey and has written the book to prove it, to ask if he could get me in touch with the boys’ frequent leading lady, Dorothy Lee. He graciously gave me her phone number and her return call began a close friendship that lasted until her death in 1999.

So, what was this odd hybrid of 1920’s Broadway craziness, and 1930’s classic movie comedy? They were, in fact, completely fabricated. Bert Wheeler was born Albert Jerome Wheeler in Paterson, New Jersey in 1895 (where Lou Costello was born 11 years later). Struck by the showbiz bug at a very early age, he eventually became a very big vaudeville star, doing an act with wife as Bert and Betty Wheeler (she eventually ran away with a dancer and faded into obscurity). It seems that Bert always ate an apple, or a sandwich when he would sit at the edge of the stage and take the audience into his confidence. In the meantime, Bert became a favorite of Flo Ziegfeld, and no less than Alexander Woollcott wrote that Bert made the 1923 Follies “his oyster.” He was next signed by Ziegfeld to do the comedy lead in a big book show, RIO RITA. It was in that show that he met his future partner, Robert Woolsey, who was the second comedy lead.

Robert Woolsey, he of the skinny legs, mobile cigar, and wire-rimmed glasses was born in Carbondale, Illinois in 1888. Always small and spindly, he decided on a career as a jockey, which was waylaid when he fractured his leg. He eventually wandered into stage work and clocked some serious time with regional touring companies. He played many different roles, but he came to be most relaxed when taking on the comedic posturing of the great Walter Catlett, who was the star comedian in one of these touring companies. Having recently been recruited by Ziegfeld, Catlett actually gave the young Woolsey his permission (in writing!) to continue to use what Catlett himself had created, both on stage and in numerous films. This included a pair of wire-rimmed glasses, and an ever-present cigar (which Woolsey did not smoke off-camera).

So, with his borrowed persona, and a boatload of nerve, Woolsey wrote plays, starred in some of them, and eventually made it to Broadway. His most interesting role was as the lawyer, Potts in the WC Fields starrer, POPPY (actually it was Madge Kennedy who had the star spot, with Fields as the comedy lead who got most of the notices). Woolsey was clearly in support. Just as he was when partnered with lead comedian, Bert Wheeler in RIO RITA.

In fact, Woolsey left the production for a year to do another show, and interestingly it was Walter Catlett who replaced him and actually played the role for a longer period of time. When it came time to make the film, RKO summoned only Bert Wheeler and Robert Woolsey from the original cast. The film was a huge hit (RKO’s biggest until KING KONG four years later) and it looked like RKO had the makings of a comedy team on their hands. But in truth, it was Bert they really wanted. He was the bigger star. RKO felt that Woolsey’s role could have been portrayed by any number of other comic actors. First on the list was, you guessed it, Walter Catlett. But the public spoke. They liked Woolsey with Wheeler, and Woolsey finally got consideration as an equal partner.

In Hollywood, money is the bottom line and the boys made plenty of it for RKO. Throughout the years Woolsey never let the front office forget their effrontery. He loved being a movie star and he protected his status like the tough customer he was. According to Dorothy Lee, he was “tighter than a snare drum,” and he made sure that they were paid what they were worth. On the other hand, Bert hated Hollywood and movie-making in general. He was a stage animal and a loyal New Yorker. Although the money was great, Bert wasn’t great with money. He spent it, loaned it, wasted it, made bad investments, and had five wives. Woolsey had one wife and the first dime he ever made.

From 1929 until 1937 their films were churned out on a regular basis. At first they were making four a year, a record matched by Abbott and Costello in the next decade. In 1931, the studio separated the team and they made two of their worst films. Bert and Dorothy were in the dismal, TOO MANY COOKS, and Woolsey made an unfunny imitation of POPPY called EVERYTHING’S ROSIE, scripted by the very hit and miss Al Boasberg. But sane heads prevailed and the boys were wisely put back together again. The films were not as popular as those of their main competition, Laurel and Hardy, but they did well enough at the box office that RKO kept churning them out. They made one side trip to Columbia, SO THIS IS AFRICA in 1933 when negotiations with RKO went awry. The film is one of their best in spite of being chopped to bits by the censors. It was actually considered to be a very dirty movie and was one of the films cited so the code could be enforced.

But after 8 years and 22 films things came to a halt. Woolsey suffered from insomnia and got into the habit of drinking himself to sleep every night. This played havoc on his liver and he died of cirrhosis in 1938 at the age of 50. Since Woolsey had retired the year before, Bert was already on the road doing a single, but he did make sure to be there for his partner’s funeral and to help comfort the widow.

After a couple of weak films, Bert went back to his natural habitat, the stage. He played Broadway (he took over for Frank Fay in HARVEY), presentation houses, nightclubs, radio, and eventually TV. His work on CAVALCADE OF STARS with Jackie Gleason shows us parts of Bert’s nightclub act and he shines. On radio he was Frank Sinatra’s comic sidekick on THE FRANK SINATRA SHOW for a season, and in one episode he even has a very funny confrontation with WC Fields.

On television, other than the CAVALCADE OF STARS he appeared on a children’s western series called, BRAVE EAGLE. Bert played a mild comedy relief Native American called “Smoky Joe.” Why anyone would cast Bert Wheeler as a Native American is beyond me, but amazingly he was also in the mix for a part in a western sitcom, PISTOLS AND PETTICOATS. The show starred an almost unrecognizable Ann Sheridan (cancer had ravaged the once beautiful star), and Bert might have played another Native American, but he lost out to Lon Chaney, Jr.

It seemed that Bert was always broke but seemed to be a very positive fellow. During his final years, he lived in a small apartment in the Lamb’s Club in New York City and he last performed with his pal, Tom Dillon. In the act he played Dillon’s mother in ratty looking old lady drag. Surviving footage from THE ED SULLIVAN SHOW can be found on the Internet. It’s very funny, and it’s aglow with that nostalgic vaudeville feeling.

Bert passed away of emphysema in 1968. Sadly, he was buried in a mass grave in Queens, New York supplied by the Catholic Actors Guild of America. His name is listed near the bottom.

I really do enjoy Wheeler and Woolsey. They came to me later in life (in my early 20’s) and the joy of having brand “new” wacky comedies from the 1930’s made me overlook what are now obvious weaknesses in the franchise. The films are entertaining for the most part, but there are jokes that land like the Hindenburg, and if the film doesn’t have a song from the boys, or from Bert and Dorothy, it can seem like a walk through the desert without a refreshment.

My favorites of their films are RIO RITA (the best material they ever had), PEACH O’ RENO, HOLD ‘EM JAIL, DIPLOMANIACS, HIPS, HIPS HOORAY, COCKEYED CAVALIERS, THE NITWITS, and my one unpopular choice, MUMMY’S BOYS (I love the atmosphere of Mummy themed films). That’s eight films out of the twenty-one they made as a team. The other films rate from horrible to fun. I enjoy THE RAINMAKERS on a certain level, but it’s very mild compared to their more adult pre-code films.

Clearly the pre-code (pre-1934) films are what made Wheeler and Woolsey popular. And they were considered to be “dirty comedians” by church groups and censors, and the films most certainly are naughty as only pre- code comedies can be. I have another qualm about the team, and it’s a major one. I don’t think Robert Woolsey was anything more than capable. He was a fair singer and dancer (Bert had it all over him, in fact), and his delivery left a good deal to be desired. Don’t get me wrong, he’s likable, and he’s a good partner for Bert, but the truth is that his often weird inflections on certain words, and his habit of asking for a repeat of the set-up line so he could nail us with what was usually a pretty mediocre punch line can be irritating. He is especially annoying in the earlier films. He laughs at his jokes before telling them, which generally tells us that we don’t have to. He looks funny, he walks funny, and he dresses funny. In fact it looks like someone was told to take him into a room and make him LOOK superficially funny. He’s just not that funny.

I much prefer Hank Ladd for Bert Wheeler. He can be seen in LAS VEGAS NIGHTS doing some very funny stuff with Bert at the microphone. It’s what they did in nightclubs and it’s really good. The guy can sing, too. I only wish that Wheeler and Ladd had the chance to make a few of their own films. In the early 1950’s Bert eventually succumbed to the ready cash paid by Jules White for two pretty lame Columbia short subjects (INNOCENTLY GUILTY, and THE AWFUL TRUTH). Bert looks ten years older than he actually was, and he played by the numbers with support by the Columbia sound effects department. All in all, the two shorts are sad reminders of better things.

Bert’s later TV appearances are nostalgic and precious. I especially like him working with his pal, Pat Boone, on THE PAT BOONE SHOW. And he continued to do his “Mother” act with Tom Dillon in clubs, and on cruise ships. Bert did not age well. Years of smoking and partying showed in his face and posture. He actually looked like a chubby old lady when he wore the drag. I was actually a comedian on the cruise ships for a few years and I know that Bert and Tom Dillon played cruises, too. The money was wonderful, and the schedules were very easy, so it seemed like a great place to bring the act. From Ziegfeld to cruise ships. Some might think that sad, but I’d like to think of it as Bert out there plying his trade, and to a vaudevillian it was all about the work.

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Nick Santa Maria

is a native New Yorker who has appeared on Broadway in GREASE! and in Mel Brooks’ THE PRODUCERS. Nick is an actor/singer/stand up comedian/playwright/author/film historian/and teacher. He has performed all over the world, and he is the co-author THE ANNOTATED ABBOTT AND COSTELLO (with Matthew Coniam), and has written several introductions to books on film history. He now resides on Hutchinson Island, Florida.

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