Remembering The Time I Opened For Norm Macdonald

As a stand-up comedian for over 25 years, I have been very fortunate to be an opening act for many A-list comedians: Louie Anderson, Rob Schneider, Caroline Rhea, Dennis Miller, Kevin Pollack and some great musical acts such as Dion and Micky Dolenz.

But nothing prepared me for getting a call from The Paramount in Huntington, a magnificent venue for music and comedy. They asked if I was available, on very short notice, to open for Norm Macdonald.

As a fan of comedians, Norm was in my top 5 of all-time. That list includes such giants such as George Carlin, Richard Pryor, Joan Rivers and Don Rickles. Norm had me from the first time I saw him on a show called A&E’s Evening at the Improv sometime in the early 80s. I had seen all of his movies (good and bad), watched his failed sitcoms, and, of course, followed his stand-up career.

I was beyond excited to meet and have the distinct pleasure to share the stage with one of my comedy heroes.

I arrived early in hopes to hang out with Norm in the green room. My plan did not disappoint. I got there and asked the gang of kids that worked there, “Where’s NORM?” They knew me since I had been fortunate to perform as an opener at The Paramount many times.

One of them said, “He’s in the green room. You can go in.”

I did.

Norm was relaxed on a couch and a nice-looking lady was there who introduced herself as his manager. I introduced myself as his opening act Stevie GB.

“Stevie GB? What kind of name is that?”

I immediately realized Norm is Norm off-stage and on-stage. Same cadence in his voice.

He asked, “Where you from? Around here?”

I said, “I live in Holbrook, it’s about a half hour east.”

“Oh, so you are from New York City?”

“No, that’s the other way”.

“I know, I’m just screwing with you.”

Although it was simply small talk, I felt I was in the presence of a true comedy icon. I always feel strange being around stars. It’s hard for me to realize they are just regular people. I don’t want to appear starstruck and go through the whole I’m a huge fan nonsense. I just hung by the door awkwardly. The woman was friendly and asked me the usual “how long have you been doing comedy” questions.

Suddenly, Norm looked at me and asked, “Do you have a toothpick?”

Of course I didn’t. Who carries toothpicks?

I ran out to the other room and shouted to one of the kids, “Norm needs a toothpick!”

One of them handed me a full box of toothpicks.

I ran back to the room and handed them to Norm. He opened the box and a bunch fell on the floor. I immediately went into my Rain Man impression, a bit I had done on stage for years but stopped doing because it felt a little old.

“52…yeah definitely 52 toothpicks.”

Norm laughed.

“I get it. Rain Man. That’s’ funny. Let’s see how close you were.” He actually counted the toothpicks.

“37. You were way off.”

Out of nowhere, Bill O’Reilly from FOX walked in the door. I try not to be political on stage and I am not a huge fan of the guy but it was still interesting to see him just show up. I shook his hand and told him I was Norm’s opener. He didn’t seem impressed. Norm and Bill seemed to know each other quite well. I didn’t want to feel any more awkward so I started to leave.

Norm said, “HEY, have a great set.”

I asked, “How do you want me to introduce you?”

He answered, “I think they know me. My name is on the ticket so say whatever you want.”

My opening 15 minutes went well. I felt comfortable and enjoyed the audience response.

It was time to introduce Norm. I just said, “You know him, you love him; here is Norm Macdonald!”

I looked over to the side of the stage to see Norm crouched down tying his shoes.

I ran over and said, “Norm, I just introduced you.”

“I know. I gotta tie my shoes.”

Finally, Norm hit the stage for an hour of rip-roaring comedy. He was brilliant, dark, and most of all

NORM.

His set ended and he saw me in the wings. Normally, the show ends and I walk back to the green room and get ready to go.

Norm said to me, “Go out and take a bow.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. I’ll go out with you.”

He did.

We walked out together and he went to the mic and said, “Let’s hear it one more time for Stevie GB. He lives New York City I think. I don’t know.”

In all my opportunities opening for big name performers, not once did any of them acknowledge me at the end of the show. I was merely the opening act that most people in the audience probably forgot about by the end of the show.

What Norm did meant a lot to me and still does to this day.

When I heard that he passed away less than a year later, it was a very upsetting day. I still miss him.

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Stevie GB

is an award-winning comedian, actor, and playwright. Known as the world’s funniest accountant, Stevie has performed at Westbury Music Fair opening for Dion, and at the Paramount in Huntington opening for comedy giants like Dennis Miller, Louie Anderson, Rob Schneider, Norm Macdonald and many more. He has written and performed three one-man shows, 12 One-Act plays and a full length musical that appeared Off-Broadway. He has also performed as Groucho Marx to critical acclaim in Newsday. Featured on Amazon Prime and on News 12.

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G&E In Motion does not necessarily agree with the opinions of our guest bloggers. That would be boring and counterproductive. We have simply found the author’s thoughts to be interesting, intelligent, unique, insightful, and/or important. We may not agree on the words but we surely agree on their right to express them and proudly present this platform as a means to do so.

WHEELER AND WOOLSEY: A Sandwich and a Cigar

I first read about them in Maltin’s Movie Comedy Teams. They had a sort of forced Marx Brothers vibe from the photographs in the book and that didn’t sit right with me. I had no idea who they were, what their voices sounded like, or if I would even deign to make time for them. After all, if I hadn’t heard of them then they must not have been very good.

Cut to 15 years later when I was planning the first newsletter for my new organization, THE DIPLOMANIACS: The Wheeler and Woolsey Appreciation Society. I even got in touch with the great Ed Watz, the man who knows all things Wheeler and Woolsey and has written the book to prove it, to ask if he could get me in touch with the boys’ frequent leading lady, Dorothy Lee. He graciously gave me her phone number and her return call began a close friendship that lasted until her death in 1999.

So, what was this odd hybrid of 1920’s Broadway craziness, and 1930’s classic movie comedy? They were, in fact, completely fabricated. Bert Wheeler was born Albert Jerome Wheeler in Paterson, New Jersey in 1895 (where Lou Costello was born 11 years later). Struck by the showbiz bug at a very early age, he eventually became a very big vaudeville star, doing an act with wife as Bert and Betty Wheeler (she eventually ran away with a dancer and faded into obscurity). It seems that Bert always ate an apple, or a sandwich when he would sit at the edge of the stage and take the audience into his confidence. In the meantime, Bert became a favorite of Flo Ziegfeld, and no less than Alexander Woollcott wrote that Bert made the 1923 Follies “his oyster.” He was next signed by Ziegfeld to do the comedy lead in a big book show, RIO RITA. It was in that show that he met his future partner, Robert Woolsey, who was the second comedy lead.

Robert Woolsey, he of the skinny legs, mobile cigar, and wire-rimmed glasses was born in Carbondale, Illinois in 1888. Always small and spindly, he decided on a career as a jockey, which was waylaid when he fractured his leg. He eventually wandered into stage work and clocked some serious time with regional touring companies. He played many different roles, but he came to be most relaxed when taking on the comedic posturing of the great Walter Catlett, who was the star comedian in one of these touring companies. Having recently been recruited by Ziegfeld, Catlett actually gave the young Woolsey his permission (in writing!) to continue to use what Catlett himself had created, both on stage and in numerous films. This included a pair of wire-rimmed glasses, and an ever-present cigar (which Woolsey did not smoke off-camera).

So, with his borrowed persona, and a boatload of nerve, Woolsey wrote plays, starred in some of them, and eventually made it to Broadway. His most interesting role was as the lawyer, Potts in the WC Fields starrer, POPPY (actually it was Madge Kennedy who had the star spot, with Fields as the comedy lead who got most of the notices). Woolsey was clearly in support. Just as he was when partnered with lead comedian, Bert Wheeler in RIO RITA.

In fact, Woolsey left the production for a year to do another show, and interestingly it was Walter Catlett who replaced him and actually played the role for a longer period of time. When it came time to make the film, RKO summoned only Bert Wheeler and Robert Woolsey from the original cast. The film was a huge hit (RKO’s biggest until KING KONG four years later) and it looked like RKO had the makings of a comedy team on their hands. But in truth, it was Bert they really wanted. He was the bigger star. RKO felt that Woolsey’s role could have been portrayed by any number of other comic actors. First on the list was, you guessed it, Walter Catlett. But the public spoke. They liked Woolsey with Wheeler, and Woolsey finally got consideration as an equal partner.

In Hollywood, money is the bottom line and the boys made plenty of it for RKO. Throughout the years Woolsey never let the front office forget their effrontery. He loved being a movie star and he protected his status like the tough customer he was. According to Dorothy Lee, he was “tighter than a snare drum,” and he made sure that they were paid what they were worth. On the other hand, Bert hated Hollywood and movie-making in general. He was a stage animal and a loyal New Yorker. Although the money was great, Bert wasn’t great with money. He spent it, loaned it, wasted it, made bad investments, and had five wives. Woolsey had one wife and the first dime he ever made.

From 1929 until 1937 their films were churned out on a regular basis. At first they were making four a year, a record matched by Abbott and Costello in the next decade. In 1931, the studio separated the team and they made two of their worst films. Bert and Dorothy were in the dismal, TOO MANY COOKS, and Woolsey made an unfunny imitation of POPPY called EVERYTHING’S ROSIE, scripted by the very hit and miss Al Boasberg. But sane heads prevailed and the boys were wisely put back together again. The films were not as popular as those of their main competition, Laurel and Hardy, but they did well enough at the box office that RKO kept churning them out. They made one side trip to Columbia, SO THIS IS AFRICA in 1933 when negotiations with RKO went awry. The film is one of their best in spite of being chopped to bits by the censors. It was actually considered to be a very dirty movie and was one of the films cited so the code could be enforced.

But after 8 years and 22 films things came to a halt. Woolsey suffered from insomnia and got into the habit of drinking himself to sleep every night. This played havoc on his liver and he died of cirrhosis in 1938 at the age of 50. Since Woolsey had retired the year before, Bert was already on the road doing a single, but he did make sure to be there for his partner’s funeral and to help comfort the widow.

After a couple of weak films, Bert went back to his natural habitat, the stage. He played Broadway (he took over for Frank Fay in HARVEY), presentation houses, nightclubs, radio, and eventually TV. His work on CAVALCADE OF STARS with Jackie Gleason shows us parts of Bert’s nightclub act and he shines. On radio he was Frank Sinatra’s comic sidekick on THE FRANK SINATRA SHOW for a season, and in one episode he even has a very funny confrontation with WC Fields.

On television, other than the CAVALCADE OF STARS he appeared on a children’s western series called, BRAVE EAGLE. Bert played a mild comedy relief Native American called “Smoky Joe.” Why anyone would cast Bert Wheeler as a Native American is beyond me, but amazingly he was also in the mix for a part in a western sitcom, PISTOLS AND PETTICOATS. The show starred an almost unrecognizable Ann Sheridan (cancer had ravaged the once beautiful star), and Bert might have played another Native American, but he lost out to Lon Chaney, Jr.

It seemed that Bert was always broke but seemed to be a very positive fellow. During his final years, he lived in a small apartment in the Lamb’s Club in New York City and he last performed with his pal, Tom Dillon. In the act he played Dillon’s mother in ratty looking old lady drag. Surviving footage from THE ED SULLIVAN SHOW can be found on the Internet. It’s very funny, and it’s aglow with that nostalgic vaudeville feeling.

Bert passed away of emphysema in 1968. Sadly, he was buried in a mass grave in Queens, New York supplied by the Catholic Actors Guild of America. His name is listed near the bottom.

I really do enjoy Wheeler and Woolsey. They came to me later in life (in my early 20’s) and the joy of having brand “new” wacky comedies from the 1930’s made me overlook what are now obvious weaknesses in the franchise. The films are entertaining for the most part, but there are jokes that land like the Hindenburg, and if the film doesn’t have a song from the boys, or from Bert and Dorothy, it can seem like a walk through the desert without a refreshment.

My favorites of their films are RIO RITA (the best material they ever had), PEACH O’ RENO, HOLD ‘EM JAIL, DIPLOMANIACS, HIPS, HIPS HOORAY, COCKEYED CAVALIERS, THE NITWITS, and my one unpopular choice, MUMMY’S BOYS (I love the atmosphere of Mummy themed films). That’s eight films out of the twenty-one they made as a team. The other films rate from horrible to fun. I enjoy THE RAINMAKERS on a certain level, but it’s very mild compared to their more adult pre-code films.

Clearly the pre-code (pre-1934) films are what made Wheeler and Woolsey popular. And they were considered to be “dirty comedians” by church groups and censors, and the films most certainly are naughty as only pre- code comedies can be. I have another qualm about the team, and it’s a major one. I don’t think Robert Woolsey was anything more than capable. He was a fair singer and dancer (Bert had it all over him, in fact), and his delivery left a good deal to be desired. Don’t get me wrong, he’s likable, and he’s a good partner for Bert, but the truth is that his often weird inflections on certain words, and his habit of asking for a repeat of the set-up line so he could nail us with what was usually a pretty mediocre punch line can be irritating. He is especially annoying in the earlier films. He laughs at his jokes before telling them, which generally tells us that we don’t have to. He looks funny, he walks funny, and he dresses funny. In fact it looks like someone was told to take him into a room and make him LOOK superficially funny. He’s just not that funny.

I much prefer Hank Ladd for Bert Wheeler. He can be seen in LAS VEGAS NIGHTS doing some very funny stuff with Bert at the microphone. It’s what they did in nightclubs and it’s really good. The guy can sing, too. I only wish that Wheeler and Ladd had the chance to make a few of their own films. In the early 1950’s Bert eventually succumbed to the ready cash paid by Jules White for two pretty lame Columbia short subjects (INNOCENTLY GUILTY, and THE AWFUL TRUTH). Bert looks ten years older than he actually was, and he played by the numbers with support by the Columbia sound effects department. All in all, the two shorts are sad reminders of better things.

Bert’s later TV appearances are nostalgic and precious. I especially like him working with his pal, Pat Boone, on THE PAT BOONE SHOW. And he continued to do his “Mother” act with Tom Dillon in clubs, and on cruise ships. Bert did not age well. Years of smoking and partying showed in his face and posture. He actually looked like a chubby old lady when he wore the drag. I was actually a comedian on the cruise ships for a few years and I know that Bert and Tom Dillon played cruises, too. The money was wonderful, and the schedules were very easy, so it seemed like a great place to bring the act. From Ziegfeld to cruise ships. Some might think that sad, but I’d like to think of it as Bert out there plying his trade, and to a vaudevillian it was all about the work.

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Nick Santa Maria

is a native New Yorker who has appeared on Broadway in GREASE! and in Mel Brooks’ THE PRODUCERS. Nick is an actor/singer/stand up comedian/playwright/author/film historian/and teacher. He has performed all over the world, and he is the co-author THE ANNOTATED ABBOTT AND COSTELLO (with Matthew Coniam), and has written several introductions to books on film history. He now resides on Hutchinson Island, Florida.

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G&E In Motion does not necessarily agree with the opinions of our guest bloggers. That would be boring and counterproductive. We have simply found the author’s thoughts to be interesting, intelligent, unique, insightful, and/or important. We may not agree on the words but we surely agree on their right to express them and proudly present this platform as a means to do so.

Stevie GB – The World’s Funniest Accountant Celebrates 30 years on Stage

The year was 1982. My new wife and I attended East Side Comedy Club in Huntington, NY. It was considered the premiere comedy club on Long Island. I don’t remember who the headliner was because I was focused on the feature act, sometimes known in comedy as the middle. It was a guy named Bobby Collins. As I watched in hysterics, I recall turning to my wife and saying “I want to do that someday”. Little did I know that 30 years later, I would be the opening comedian for Bobby multiple times. I think every performer has that one person that inspires them to make the big move. 

It took me 9 years after that 1982 show to actually take the plunge. However, it was not by choice, but rather a dare. I was out to lunch with my office co-workers at my accounting job at a place called The Juke Box Café in Hauppauge. A themed restaurant owned by WBAB DJ Bob Buchman. Meredith, from the office, pointed me to a poster on the wall and said, “Look at that!” It read: Talent Night. Singers, Comedians, Magicians, bring your talent every Wednesday. Win valuable prizes. 

“You should sign up,” Meredith continued.  

“Me? I can’t sing.” 

“No! Comedian! You’re hilarious. You can do jokes about where we work” 

(By the way, that never works). I didn’t say anything, but just stared at that poster. 

I was always funny; I got it from my dad. I watched comedy for years. I think it started when, at around the age of nine, my mother sat me down in front of the TV. “Watch this - it’s funny.” It was Duck Soup featuring The Marx Brothers. I had no idea what I was watching, but I was immediately drawn to Harpo since he was the slapstick a kid of nine would understand. It took many years before I understood the genius of Groucho Marx, one of my comedy heroes, who I had the honor to portray many times over the last 10 years.

At 10, I discovered making the bullies laugh stopped them from picking on me and making the girls laugh was fun, though it never really got me anywhere. I am pretty sure it was the acne that kept them away. Throughout school I would listen to all the classic comedy albums like George Carlin Class Clown, Robert Klein, Bill Cosby, etc. and repeat them verbatim in school the next day. I wasn’t just a fan of comedy; I was a student. 

By the time 1991 hit and Meredith showed me that poster, I was already a well-trained comedian, without setting foot on stage.  So, I signed up for the talent show.  They gave me 15-minute spot in between all musical acts. I was the sole comedian on the show. I didn’t know until years later that doing 15 minutes for the first time, in-between musical acts, equated to comedy suicide. As they say, you don’t know what you don’t know. I only had 6 days to prepare my 15-minute set. I wrote down every joke I ever heard from my dad and many observations I had thought about over the many years. I practiced over and over and I felt ready. I decided to use the moniker of “The World’s Funniest Accountant” since accountants are never thought of as funny. I threw on a bowtie and some suspenders and used an old nickname I had from the late 70’s. I was a punk rock fan and spent many nights at CBGB, the famous NYC club. I was there so often, one of my friends started calling me Stevie GB. I thought it had a nice ring to it. Hopefully easy to remember. Turns out, I was right. 

The night came and I was sweating bullets. My entire office staff came to watch me. Not sure if they were rooting for me or hoping to watch me crash and burn. I was not scared; I was in a state of euphoria. Now, this is the part of the story where I’m supposed to say I bombed horrifically. I didn’t. I don’t really remember much of it. It was an out of body experience. I ended up taking 3rd place in the contest and my valuable prizes were a t-shirt and a Bonnie Raitt cassette. More importantly, on my ride home, I discovered what I was meant to be. A comedian. I thought to myself, this was it. I should be famous in a couple of months. I’ll be on Letterman by Christmas and be able to quit that stupid job. It didn’t work out that way. Oh, glorious delusion. 

Over the last thirty years, I have been lied to, ignored, robbed, cheated, and insulted. I quit 3 times only to return because not doing it drove me crazy. 

I have never had a sitcom. I never made it to Letterman or any late-night show for that matter. But I have had many small successes along the way. I have written and produced three One-Man-Shows. I portrayed Groucho Marx in a play with The Marx Brothers to rave reviews, including a cover story in Newsday, selling out 23 consecutive shows around Long Island. I have written 12 One Act Plays, a full-length play and a musical, many which have been staged in various NYC theaters and festivals. I have opened for my comedy hero Bobby Collins eight times, and performed at Westbury Music Fair opening for Dion & The Belmonts in the full round sold out show of 3,000 people. I have performed at the 1,500 seat Paramount Theater in Huntington 10 times, opening for comedy greats such as Norm Macdonald, Dennis Miller, Rob Schneider, Louie Anderson, Bob Nelson and more.

I have also performed at firehouses, libraries, churches, backyard parties, block parties, private homes (including living rooms), and of course comedy clubs. I spent 2 years travelling on the road to Pennsylvania, New Jersey, and Ohio and I hated every minute of it. The road is not for me. I love Long Island and have very little trouble getting booked locally. It’s been an amazing journey filled with highs and lows and I’m not finished. 

During my time as a comedian, I have also performed as a stage actor in many community theatre productions. Mostly Neil Simon plays, portraying Felix Unger in The Odd Couple, Mel Edison in Prisoner of 2ndAve, and many more. 

I help out new comedians with joke structure, stage presence, and try to tell them about the pitfalls of the business, even though I am still trying to figure that part out myself. 

As I approach my 30th year, I have no idea where the time went. When I get down on myself because I haven’t “made it”, I look back at what I have accomplished and I can stand tall and say, I am a comedian. It’s not about fame and fortune. It’s about constructing solid jokes and stories and bringing that creativity to the people. The energy of the stage and the sound of the laughter from something I created is like a warm hug. 

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Stevie GB

Award-winning comedian, actor and playwright.

Stevie GB is an award-winning comedian, actor, and playwright. Known as the world's funniest accountant, Stevie has performed at Westbury Music Fair opening for Dion, and at the Paramount in Huntington opening for comedy giants like Dennis Miller, Louie Anderson, Rob Schneider, Norm Macdonald and many more. He has written and performed three one-man shows, 12 One-Act plays and a full length musical that appeared Off-Broadway. He has also performed as Groucho Marx to critical acclaim in Newsday. Featured on Amazon Prime and on News 12.

G&E In Motion does not necessarily agree with the opinions of our guest bloggers. That would be boring and counterproductive. We have simply found the author’s thoughts to be interesting, intelligent, unique, insightful, and/or important. We may not agree on the words but we surely agree on their right to express them and proudly present this platform as a means to do so.